If you haven't yet, check out my essay published in The New York Times last week: "Death was a Theory, Until I Became A Mother." I am so incredibly grateful to share this work with such a large audience.
The essay reflects on how even my doctorate in existential philosophy did not prepare me for the reckoning with death that I experienced as a mother. But, I left a lot out of that piece. The essay makes no acknowledgement of my race, class, sexuality, physical ability, nationality, etc. and all the privileges my social positions afford, many of which will serve to insulate my child from death and danger. Parents of impoverished and/or black and brown children have to reckon with mortal risks that are significantly higher for their children than for my own.
The truth is, in a lot of ways, death is still a theory for me. By great fortune, I've never experienced first-hand the death of a child. I haven't personally experienced much death, period. Perhaps, it is because of that psychic distance that I'm able to talk about death publicly without being overcome by the grief and pain of such conversations. For me, the fear of death is a low-level anxious hum, which got much louder with the birth of my daughter.
Nevertheless, what I've found in the response to my essay is that I'm not alone. My experience seems to ring true for many people, regardless of their social positioning or their more intimate experiences with death. Indeed, the best part of publishing in the NY Times has been connecting with people who have written and told me that they feel seen and understood by my words.
While my experience differs from others' in important ways, I am so grateful to be having this often hushed and taboo, but incredibly urgent and important, conversation about the heart of being, and making, humans.
If you want to talk about making and being humans, register now for The Meaning of Motherhood, my six-week online course about the philosophical complexities of motherhood. I give philosophical lectures on motherhood every week, and you get to share in intimate conversations about death, grief, time, anxiety, race, class, and motherhood with other fellow travelers. Find comfort, clarity, and community in your motherhood journey, whatever it may be.
Danielle LaSusa Ph.D. is a Philosophical Coach, helping new moms grapple with what it means to make a person. She is the co-creater and co-host of Think Hard podcast, which brings fun, accessible, philosophical thinking to the real world. To join her mailing list, subscribe here.
© Copyright Danielle LaSusa PhD, LCC, 2020. All rights reserved.
