This is a scary time. In the midst of this coronavirus crisis, so many of us feel powerless, overwhelmed, and overcome by anxiety. We CAN weather this storm with our heads and hearts intact, (and it will pass eventually), if we learn to shift our relationship to fear.
What does that mean? It means that we must come to welcome this fear as a peak human experience. Yes, that’s right. Peak.
Ok, let me explain. There are TWO parts to fear:
1. The STORY of fear: This is your brain spinning tales of all the horrifying things that are happening, past, present, and future.
2. The FEELING of fear: This is the actual, physical, bodily sensations of fear: the throbbing pulse, the tight jaw, the numb face, etc. This can only be experienced right now, in your own body.
When you get stuck in the story of fear, you are trying to avoid the feeling of fear. Your brain is doing whatever it can to push away those intense sensations. Maybe, you believe, if you just think enough about it, you can solve the problem and the feeling will go away.
Of course, all it really does is make matters worse. You get more anxious. Nothing gets resolved.
The true solution here is to let yourself really feel fear. You need to merge with it, become it. Don’t just tolerate fear; give yourself over completely to it, without resistance. Go on the wild ride.
And it is a RIDE. Try it. Just stop, close your eyes, and let that fear in. Let it make you feel all light-headed, and heart poundy, and buzzy. Don’t be carried off to the story of fear, stay with the feeling, for just a few minutes. It’s a total rush.
Note, the goal here is not to make the fear go away. It is to let yourself truly experience one of the peak human emotions. This is why people go on roller coasters, and first dates, and downhill skiing. It is such a high.
It also just to happens that doing this will make you less resistant to the feeling of fear, and thus, less likely to get consumed in the story of fear.
You feel confident that you can sit with the worst of it. You feel like a badass. You feel less afraid.
That said, when the sensations get really intense, it’s often very tempting to jump back into the story of fear, but this time about your own body. You may tell yourself that your heart is thumping too loudly or your breathing is too fast, and then start to panic about it. Read: you spiral into an anxiety attack.
If this happens, try to remind yourself to relax into the sensations, to trust that the human body can only sustain the intensity of those sensations for a few minutes. It WILL pass. If you don’t throw tinder on the flames, they will subside.
If you still feel overwhelming panic, open your eyes, look around, and name the objects in front of you. What objects do you see? What colors are they? What materials are they? Describe your environment in as much detail as you can. This will help you stay out of the story of fear while also moving your attention away from the intense sensations.
Little by little, you can practice facing fear again. And as you do, you’ll feel a little more confident in your own ability to experience these feelings of full, exhilarating, human aliveness.
So, try it out. Rather that compulsively checking the news or Twitter again for the latest horrible details, take a few minutes to go on the wild fear ride!
Danielle LaSusa Ph.D. is a Philosophical Coach and Consultant. She helps new moms grapple with what it means to make a person. She is the co-creator and co-host of Think Hard podcast, which brings fun, accessible, philosophical thinking to the real world.
© Copyright Danielle LaSusa PhD, LCC, 2020. All rights reserved.
