“I feel like I just drank forty ounces of bacon grease,” a client said to me the other day near the end of our session.
I laughed. “What does that mean?” I asked.
“Well, this belief coming out of me, one way or the other.”
We’d spent the session talking about how she longed to live bigger into what she felt called to do in the world, but she feared letting her full self be seen. She worried about what others—her family, friends, neighbors—would think of her. We identified a belief that was operating under the surface, (the one she later said was bound to come out): Hiding my whole, true self keeps me safe and loved. It’s a belief that is familiar to many of us.
Seeing that this belief was blocking her way, I asked her a series of simple questions about it, (questions borrowed from Byron Katie’s work):
Question 1: “Is it true?”
My client said that she really didn’t know. Yes, she had learned in subtle ways from her family to keep herself hidden. It’d protected her in some ways, but did it really keep her safe? Was staying small the only way to be loved? She wasn’t sure.
Question 2: “What’s the impact of this belief?”
This belief made her feel sad, anxious, trapped, resentful, and lonely. She blamed herself for having such weird interests and talents. She felt like no one really saw and knew all of her.
Question 3: “How would you feel if you didn’t have this belief?”
My client sighed with relief and said that, if this belief were magically gone, she would feel lighter, freer, more energized, open, and connected.
I looked at her, seeing the pain she was in. “This belief is controlling your life. And you don’t even know that it’s true,” I said.
“Yeah….” We sat quietly together for a minute. That’s when I asked her how she felt and she gave me the line about bacon grease.
So many of us are suffering, held hostage by beliefs that we rationally know are not even true. Of course, the problem is that even though we may, logically, understand the truth, our emotional child selves still feel afraid.
If we connect with the inner wisdom of our bodies—the deep part of us that knows that we are whole, connected, and free—we can kindly, compassionately, and repeatedly reassure our child selves that we are safe. We know the truth.
Eventually, those false beliefs will pass through our systems—like so much bacon grease.
What false belief is holding you hostage? Share your answer in Mother Den.
Danielle LaSusa Ph.D. is a Philosophical Coach, helping new moms grapple with what it means to make a person. She is the creator of The Meaning of Motherhood course, which explores the changes in identity, meaning, and wisdom that come with motherhood. To join her mailing list, subscribe here.
© Copyright Danielle LaSusa PhD, LCC, 2021. All rights reserved.
