After spending dozens of hours over the last month talking with you, my community, about money, wealth, and what is enough for the Prosperity Project, I am more convinced than ever that prosperity is a state of mind.
I spoke with women who have net worths over a million dollars and others who watch their bank balance hover just above zero, all of whom deal with a sense of lack. I found that, regardless of dollar amounts, the feeling of not having enough is almost always rooted in a sense of not being enough.
And it’s no wonder. Living in a white supremacist, capitalist patriarchy, we women are told all the time that we are not enough. We are not pretty enough, thin enough, young enough. We are not smart, sexy, kind, nurturing, courageous, rebellious, well-behaved, or good enough. We do not do enough as professionals, as mothers, as friends, wives, sisters, daughters.
We become convinced of our deficiency, and then we’re sold new shoes, face creams, time management systems, and self-help books, all promising to make up the difference. (Yes, myself included. Face creams in my bathroom and self-help books on my nightstand.)
It is damn near impossible to feel prosperous, let alone generous, when you are in such a perpetual feeling of lack.
So what’s to be done?
As I spoke with one woman after the next, I saw in so many of us a disconnection from the deep, wise, part of our ourselves that I believe knows the truth: our existence alone is enough.
I didn’t always believe this, but now, more and more, I believe that each of us is like plant, a songbird, a little baby pup: we are simply part of the exquisite expression of life. We don’t need to do anything to earn our keep. We don’t even need the face creams. (I know, radical.)
Learning to believe that you are enough, you do enough, and you have enough—just as you are—is a wild, subversive, powerful act.
As I tell my clients, our work together is not a self-improvement project; it is a self-acceptance project. And the more you root into your own inherent value, you deeply feel all you have and all you have to give.
Weekly Gifts
I’ve decided this year to work on my theme of Generosity by giving at least one gift every week of the year, and to chronicle and reflect on them here.
Week 3, Jan 15-21: I gave a tip when ordering lunch from a counter, felt ambivalent about it, and thought about this NPR story of the angst around tipping.
Week 4, Jan 22-28: I sent a new year’s gift to a client, and got such a joyful and delighted response, it makes me want to send gifts to everyone I know.
Week 5, Jan 29- Feb 4: I gave a talk called “Learning to Rebuild After Your Worldview Falls Apart,” to Cheetah House, a non-profit devoted to helping meditators in distress, and decided to donate the talk rather than accept the honorarium offered for it.
Week 6, Feb 5-11: I sent an encouraging email to someone who finds himself in a tough place, and was moved when he called to thank me for it. Both parts of that exchange feel like gifts to me.
What is your relationship to “enough”? Share your answer in Mother Den.
Danielle LaSusa Ph.D. is a Philosophical Coach, helping new moms grapple with what it means to make a person. She is the creator of The Meaning of Motherhood course, which explores the changes in identity, meaning, and wisdom that come with motherhood. To join her mailing list, subscribe here.
© Copyright Danielle LaSusa PhD, LCC, 2021. All rights reserved.
