I've been thinking a lot about anger these days. COVID, racism, patriarchy, the possible collapse of U.S. democracy—so many things to be angry about. Some part of me believes that if I just feel angry enough that something will change. Like the rage itself—such a powerful emotion—has the power to make things right in the world. I carry it around like a weapon.
A heavy, hard, uncomfortable weapon.
How to transform anger into action? I know that anger is a complex emotion, and usually is a front for fear and grief. But what good does sitting in grief and fear do for me or for the world? As a woman, I'm told that I'm not allowed to be angry, (as so many people from oppressed groups are), which just makes the anger feel more justified.
What I've realized recently, (thanks to Marshall Rosenberg's fabulous book Non-Violent Communication), is that anger is a sign that I have needs that are not being met.
When I am furious about the latest political news, or racial inequity, or the state of postpartum care, it is because my needs for security, belonging, compassion, respect, consideration, community, expression, growth, etc. are not being met.
I am finding that the most productive way to attend to anger is to determine what needs are not being met, and then to figure out how to meet them. Turns out that it's hard to convince anyone to meet your needs when you bludgeon them with a weapon.
Focusing our needs also allows us to embrace our humanity, to speak to what is alive in us and to connect with what is alive in others. We all have needs.
So, how does your anger point to what's alive in you? What do you need?
Respond in the comments and tell me about it. Seriously. Here's a list of needs to consider.
Danielle LaSusa Ph.D. is a Philosophical Coach, helping new moms grapple with what it means to make a person. She is the co-creater and co-host of Think Hard podcast, which brings fun, accessible, philosophical thinking to the real world. To join her mailing list, subscribe here.
© Copyright Danielle LaSusa PhD, LCC, 2020. All rights reserved.
